My Second and Third Foundation - I'm all screwed up

Yes, my first foundation was what my parents taught me. My second foundation was school and my third foundation was, you guessed it, church. I am all screwed up because church was supposed to be my first and only foundation, not just the church, but the Word of God, but it wasn't. I was supposed to then know when I went to college that I was a child of a King, but I didn't take this information to heart. It was only in my head.

I attended college right after high school; this was the first time I was away from my parents. I had goals and I was going to achieve them. Getting a break from my parents was one thing and the other was growing in my spirituality. Oh boy, I did. I lived in the dorms and I met people instantly. My personality is a little odd. I am outgoing, but I am shy. I must push myself out because if I don't, I could just stay me focused quite a bit. I wanted something different than what I was exposed to so I joined a religious organization that even claimed to be different. I knew this would push me out of my comfort zone. Little did I know I was joining a cult.

I started asking questions about the Bible and how it was supposed to be related to my life. I wanted an indepth study. It turned out that they were willing to help me and they even invited me to their church which I became a member of shortly after attending there two or three times. I maintained my membership for four and a half years. I think to date that was the longest four and a half years of my life.

After joining their church, they invited me to join the bible studies' discipleship program. They met on campus so it was very convenient. I was assigned to a discipler and we met for an hour each week. This is where the problem started. She made me feel like I was trapped. She was so good at hearing from God that she told me what God's will was for my life. It was God's will for me to be a part of that group and everyone who went to college and went to our church, it was God's will as well for them to be apart of that group. If they were not attending our group, we were not allowed to speak to them. They were in sin. I was stupid enough to believe this.

I also believed that I was bad. I was a horrible person. She didn't speak it to me out loud. She said it through her actions. Everytime my discipler corrected me, she would raise her voice at me and dramatize what I did with the inflection in her voice and make me feel like crap. I felt so embarrassed and so ashamed. I never stood up for myself. I thought I was stupid and that whatever I did, it was all my fault, even when I did something minor that didn't need to be corrected. I always praised her because I emulated her. She was my god and I looked up to her for everything. She had the direct line to God for my life, but I didn't. This fact was very odd because I flow in the gift of prophecy. So I could speak into other people's lives about them and I heard things about other people, but when it came to me, my discipler was my God. This is the main reason why we should seek God about who we allow to be our authorities because there are so many screwed up people that are not called to lead in the body of Christ. The bible speaks of this. At this time, I and all of my leaders were screwed up, but we were in a place for a reason, but hurt quite a few people. A few times, I explained to the director of discipleship that I was having an issue with the way I was being corrected and she would always tell me I had the problem. The problem didn't lie with my discipler. My next post will discuss me being promoted in leadership. Oh boy, I should have never accepted that position.

Thanks for reading.