Another Mother, Part Two

Yesterday at church, I doubted my salvation. I never had this experience before, but I feel that what my pastor was preaching didn't happen to me. I never formally invited Jesus into my heart. I just believed in Jesus and started following Him as best as I could at a young age.

The cult that I was involved in was mostly my fault because I did have a bible, but I allowed my discipler to interpret it for me. The major problem was that I didn't start out in a healthy environment when I was younger. I don't really know what it is like to live in a Christian household. My parents did not and still don't walk out their Christianity, their faith in God. When I went to college, I looked for an environment that was familiar to me. I looked for relationships that resembled my parents or the kids in high school and middle school.

This points to my next unhealthy relationship. During the latter part of my Master's degree, my rent was about to increase. I thought the best thing for me was to live with someone. It would cut my costs quite a bit and could have a little more freedom with my budget. I made under $10. an hour at this time and wanted more freedom to do things. Moving in with my parents was the last resort. I moved into a lady's house that I knew from a community organization. Yes, the same organization that I met Jackie from. Samantha was twice my age. I talked with her and it sounded like she was going to allow me to have my own life. She was big on sharing so her motto was anything of hers was mine. I wish I hadn't agreed to that.

When I moved my stuff in, she seemed like a different person, but as I look at the situation right now, I see that she was the same person. I just didn't believe her when she told me who she was the first time. She was always bossy and emotionally dependent. She basically treated me like a child, her child. She even called me her child. That did not settle well with me.

When I tried to stand up for myself and talk to her about the situation, everything was my fault. I was stupid and she saw how people were so mean to me. The reason was because I couldn't follow her directions. She insisted on cooking for me, but she was nasty. I believe that meat should be cooked well done and no food should be left out overnight on your kitchen counter. If that does happen, it should be thrown away.

Her two cats were so annoying. The whole house was their litter box because their litter box was not cleaned out on a regular basis. Samantha had the audacity to get mad at the cats for doing that, but I understood them. I wouldn't want to go in a dirty litter box just like she probably wouldn't want to use a dirty toilet. ......Well, let me rethink that. She probably wouldn't care.

She went out of town for the weekend for a wedding and I was so proud of myself. During that time, I was packed and ready to go a day before she returned. I still took care of her house and I cleaned it. Needless to say, after a month of staying there, I moved out and into my parent's house. That is where I am today.

I harbored so much anger against her and I still do today, but not as much. God has healed me quite a bit in the past two years. She pissed me off. I can't believe some of the things that she called me and put me through while living in her house. I had headaches everyday for a few months after living there because I would relive the situations and think about what I could have done differently, but I am glad that I tried to talk to her about the situations. She just didn't listen to me. She blamed it all on me.

The next time I saw her, she told me that we should forget about what happened and be friends. I don't think so Filthy McNasty. I forgive her, but if you are wrong about something, you need to fess up to it and she hasn't done that. She wants to act like nothing happened. She doesn't understand how much her words and actions hurt me and she probably never will. She needs to just stay away from me.