Wow! It has been a long time since I posted a blog. I have learned a lot, especially this morning.

I have been asking God why I have not been able to forgive my last roommate. Remember the McNasty. Well, I have her on my mind more than I should. My mind wanders on the things she did to me while I was in her house and also I think about all the times when I could have stopped the abuse from going so far. Mental abuse lasts for a long time.

This morning at my new church, I cried my eyes out. I found out that I was mad at God. I was so angry at Him for allowing all of those things to happen to me. My biggest disappointment is learning that God allowed those things to happen to me even when I was a little girl. I was treated like crap, but I know that I am not. I am a princess and right now, I am trying to get to where I demand that from people, but it is hard to set boundaries on people.

God, I am mad at you for allowing those things to happen to me. I know that You still love me. You were still there with me. You were there with me, but I don't know how You were there.
I choose to believe You were there. I choose to believe that You love me eventhough thinking You were there when all that happened and knowing You allowed that to happen to me hurts. That fact doesn't make you seem like you were there, but You were there with me. I will be able to minister to others in my position.